ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Stockland in Betoota Heights is replacing their antiquated carpark ticketing system this week with a large man who robs shoppers as they leave.
Many other shopping centres around town went paperless many moons ago and the Stockland in Betoota Heights was one of the last carparks issuing paper tickets.
Progress waits for no man, or carpark, says Stockland’s Channel Country representitive, Janis Spearson.
“We looked at a number of new carpark technologies before finally setting on Big Tony and his Glock 40,” she said.
“Technologies such as number plate scanners and wireless gate-to-gate monitoring but ultimately decided our shoppers would rather a hands-on solution coupled with good old-fashioned service!”
Big Tony has been in the job only a day and has already pistol whipped dozens of motorists when they’ve refused to hand over the parking fee.
Our reporter paid a caught up with Big Tony while he stood at the exit.
He said the new system obviously has had a few ‘teething issues’ but that’s too be expect.
“Yeah, you know, a few teething issues,” he said, deeply.
“Like this bloke in a Santa Fe gave me a bit of lip when I asked for the $6 fee so I bashed him in the mouth with the butt of my Glock and smashed his front teeth out,”
“And this bloke in a bottle green Suzuki Mighty Boy got whipped, too. He tried to run over me in the end. He’s lucky he didn’t get shot,”
“But look at all the money I’ve got. Phones and wallet, too. Some poor woman saw the gun and just got out and run. I’m not in the business of killing people, robbing them yes but no killing. I’m just doing my job.”
The Advocate spoke to some other local carpark operators about their plan to go paperless and none of them planned to go down the aggravated armed robbery path like Stockland.
More to come.