ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

There have been wide scale job losses at the French Quarter’s Deutsche Bank offices this week, with many wondering what they’re going to do now they’ve been shafted.

One of the shafted, Stephen Poon, spoke briefly to The Advocate this afternoon as he walked out of the bank’s Rue de Branlette skyscraper just moments ago.

“This is pretty fucked,” he said.

“What am I going to do? What is MJ Bale going to do? They’re going to go under now that a third of the town’s bankers are out on their arse,”

“I didn’t win the ovarian lottery, go to a nice school and find myself graduating from South Betoota Polytechnic with a science degree majoring in economics for this to happen to me. Sure, Deutsche Bank has a long history of being a reprehensible, disgusting organisation – but that doesn’t mean I deserve this. Is this what karma feels like?”

Our reporter nodded and said ‘probably’.

When asked what he plans to do now, the 28-year-old said he has no idea.

“What? Like right now? Ah, if anybody has a job for me, get in touch via my LinkedIn,” he laughed.

“But, like, nothing to do with manual labour anything. A job similar to the one I had in emerging markets, preferably with higher pay. I just got a new BMW on something called a novated lease and it turns out that doesn’t mean it’s a company car. But YOLO,”

“Cheers, I’m going to the pub then I might just go on a holiday until I sort this all out? Does anyone have any Rugby World Cup tickets I can buy?”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here