CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
In the most recent erratic weather patterns caused by this phenomena that has seen the climate appear to possibly change, bushfire-ravaged communities in both NSW and Victoria are today preparing ahead of heavy rain that could likely result in flooding.
Rainfall totals of 30 to 80 millimetres have forecast for today, with strong falls possible for fire grounds in the Snowy Mountains, southwest of Sydney and South Coast regions.
While Southern Queensland, the Blue Mountains, mid-north and far-north coast of NSW weren’t as lucky as the south was with rain on their firegrounds – the news has eased a lot of anxiety for all Australians as photos of perished koalas and wallabies become are replaced by photos of thunderstorms on social media newsfeeds.
However, the immediate risk of floods will now only cause further disruptions to the bushfire recovery efforts that have been stimulated by a $2B package that Prime Minister Morrison offered when he realised that everyone hated him for going to Hawaii and turning his phone off during a national emergency.
Now, with rain peppering the steamy firegrounds, and many of the brave RFS and CFA volunteers given a slight reprieve – the equally exhausted media advisors for the Prime Minister are still yet to clock off.
In fact, now they face their biggest challenge yet. Minimising the gaffes and distasteful comments made by the PM throughout his post crisis media conferences.
Dressed in a Cronulla Sharks flat brim that was slightly turned off-centre, Scotty From Marketing was today sternly briefed on how to talk about these fires.
“Now, Scotty. Remember…” says one millennial from the Prime Minister’s Office named Clyde Poncington-Smythly (26, son of some cunt from the minerals council).
“Listen carefully here. The cameras have been all over you since the forced handshakes. Whatever you do, don’t bring up your church. Horizon Church have done nothing to help in the eyes of these pleb voters”
As Clyde points out, Morrison’s knee-jerk response to offer thoughts and prayers after any form of tragedy is highly scrutinised by the public, as it becomes more apparent that he actually believes communicating with God through sterilised rock music is the best way to survive the imminent climate challenge and widening wealth disparity in Australian society.
Another advisor, Deborah, who is also a millennial who knows how to use Instagram but has a name like Deborah because she’s from a born-to-rule Liberal-voting family, takes over from Clyde.
“Scotty, I know this is exciting, and I know you really wanna say ‘I told you so’ to the experts from the CSIRO, but for all intents and purposes, this rainfall was caused by the heat from the Sun which turns moisture from plants and leaves, as well as oceans, lakes, and rivers, into water vapour, which disappears into the air. This vapour rises, cools, and changes into tiny water droplets, which form clouds. That’s how this rain came about, okay?”
“I don’t care what Brian Houston has been telling you on Wickr. You need to appear to believe the experts on this one. Rain came from the sky, not from the heavens”
“Seriously?!” asked Scotty.
“Who takes credit for this then? If it can’t be me and it can’t be Him… Who gets to be the hero?”
“I don’t think He has forgiven us for the plebiscite yet. But we should thank him for the generous rain he sent our way” said Scotty.
“I guess I’ll just have to do it in private, like politicians used to”