A local carnivore steel fencing contractor from Betoota’s Flight Path District has today taken it upon himself to explain the highly complicated and unclear military operation currently taking place in Europe.

Despite not knowing the key differences and history between Australia’s two major parties, Rory Corrie (27) – a Joe Rogan enthusiast who is still yet to enrol as an Australian voter, views himself as somewhat of an expert on geo-politics.

“See the thing is. Basically you’ve got China and America right…” explains Rory, while holding court at smoko in front of a worksite full of blokes who are terrified of being conscripted into a world war.

“And then you’ve got Russia”

Rory’s sermon follow days of heightened tensions in Ukraine’s eastern industrial heartland, where Ukrainian forces are locked in a nearly eight-year conflict with Russian-backed separatists that has left more than 14,000 people dead.

The United States says Russia may be poised to invade Ukraine with a force of up to 190,000 troops it has amassed near its neighbour’s borders, while Britain, NATO and the UN keep tugging at different corners of this highly volatile situation.

This is the closest that Rory has ever been ‘to getting political’ – as he regurgitates the off-topic talking points from cryptocurrency and UFC podcasts.

His ability to talk so confidently and at length about a foreign conflict that not even the world’s greatest political scientists can properly articulate is surprising, for a man that thinks Anthony Albanese and Scott Morrison are members of the same political party, and believes that Australian politics is dominated by feminist billionaire elites who want to cancel David Chappelle,

“Man this whole thing reeks of the Clintons” he continues, to the surprise of his jobsite coworkers, most of whom were under the impression that Bill Clinton was in currently in prison over the Epstein child trafficking ring.

“Just keep an eye on Jacinda and Trudeau” says Rory.

“They are gonna use this as a distraction to introduce more mandates. Everyone is in on this”


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