LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

Employees of Old City District software firm BrainsRuS were stunned and somewhat relieved to learn that a colleague of theirs who hates small talk might have not been sharing the full truth.

Project Manager Dylan Krocker (41) is a four year veteran and during his tenure has made it very clear to his colleagues that he is not a fan of small talk.

“I asked him if it was raining out his way over the weekend once and he just growled at me like I’d spilt his schooey,” said one employee who happened to stand near Krocker one time.

“He told me he can’t stand small talk and then went on an unprompted rant about how ScoMo will probably get reelected and that MAFS and The Bachelor are ruining this country.” 

To this employee and the others who share an office with Krocker, the thought of him one day discovering a love for small talk seems about as far away as Trish from accounting’s holiday house (not that Krocker would have a clue where that is).

Well, Krocker’s co-workers might as well attempt small talk again as the grumpy bugger has realised he hates himself way more than small talk.

“I started going to therapy basically because I couldn’t drop a tissue without raging and breaking a pedestal fan,” stated Krocker during one of his 16 daily smoke breaks.

“Turns out a lot of the stuff I hate was just a nicer way of hating myself. When people started small talking with me I guess I hated it because I had no life, like why would I wanna hear about their weekend when all I did was binge Grand Designs and eat a tin of biscuits I was going to regift.” 

Krocker said that since his discovery he has made up for the lost time by making small talk with his coworkers including asking Sue how her chicken coop is going and saying “oooh, that looks good,” at Lida’s reheated lunch. 

“I mean, I have to hear about all this boring shit but…obviously I deserve it…”


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