A ten-year study by the CSIRO has concluded that this weekend was a pretty good time to avoid social media.

Once a place where people quoted song lyrics embellished with alternating capital letters and posted photos of woeful looking meals, modern social media now features opinion-driven news articles which are only made slightly bearable by the memes they inspire.

With this long weekend playing host to both Australia Day and the triple j Hottest 100, those who try to avoid other people’s opinions were being strongly advised to throw their phone into the nearest river or directly down the toilet they are likely sitting on.

“Social media users need to know that this weekend is going to be a shitshow,” stated research scientist Dr Maurice Ticehurst.

“This long weekend we were predicting over 3 million social media updates will include some form of commentary about the injustice of Australia’s first nation people or the injustice of Tones and I winning.”

While the social media boycott was been formally encouraged by the scientific body, those considering a weekend without the endorphin stimulating apps were given a stern warning.

“Don’t do a post saying you’re taking a break from social media. No one cares and at the end of the day, you’ll be back.”


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