ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Nightwatchman of Australia has quashed fears the female members of the Liberal Party are ‘unhappy’ by telling reporters this morning in Sydney that they’ve told him everything is ‘fine’.

Taking time out of his busy morning of walking up and down Cronulla Beach in a pair of riding boots, Scott Morrison fronted journalists around 9 and explained that he’s spoken to each of the lady members in his party and they’ve all told him the same thing.

“I’ve had a chat to the chicks and they all sweet. They said everything is fine and the whole thing about the Liberals having a pack of errant women ruining everything is totally false and a non-issue,” he said.

“So that’s that!”

“So ah, oi, ah, did anybody see Ashley Turner’s [sic] epic hulk smash century against India last night? So lit. Nice to see my Waratahs beat the filthy Queenslanders again! Old spaghetti hair Beattie won’t live this one down!”

“Any more sports and or Dad related questions? All right, cheers.”

The Advocate reached out to a number of female members of the Liberal Party for comment, who were all able to echo the Nightwatchman’s sentiments.

Almost all of them were able to verify that everything is indeed fine and that you shouldn’t worry about anything.


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