ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

In a time when everything is going bad, our senior public servants are thinking of us and coming up with ways to make the lives of all Australians worth living.

One of them is Reserve Bank boss Philip Lowe, who aside from pegging what’s left of Middle Australia with rate increase after rate increase, has been sharing pearls of wisdom that everyone can use to help pay the mortgage.

Today at a conference in Sydney, Mr Lowe brought the house down with an earnest money saving tip that men have been using for decades.

“You see, there is typically a woman in every household,” he said to rapturous laughter.

“Or a submissive man that plays the role of the woman. One money-saving tip that a lot of men use is to simply ask them to do things for free. Such as asking them to make you a nutritious lunch to take to work, instead of being herded into the MLC foodcourt like some middle-management beast. Oh to be some young man, working at some mid-tier domestic law firm, sitting in the MLC foodcourt eating a $17 burito. Big devon slice nipples visible through the cheap white shirt. Complaining about the cost of living [laughs] A real pig of a man,”

“When he could simple ask the woman of the house to make him a nice meal, such as a cold meat sandwich or some soup in a Thermos. It is easy and it is free. Continuing on from that, you can also ask the household woman to complete tasks such as organising dry cleaning and looking after the children of the house, perhaps you may have an elderly woman in some sort of grandmotherly role who you can palm the children on to. Having an older woman person in the house who can still drive is very handy,”

“If you really want to turbocharge your savings, you can swap out expensive whale blubber oil for something more economical like cold-pressed olive oil. Australian, of course.”

With the entire room now laughing, Mr Lowe looked on confused.

“These are just some of my modern money saving tips for the whinging youth. It’s no comedy act.”

More to come.


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