JACK WILLS | Contributor | CONTACT
Queensland have informed the AFL this morning that it has officially cancelled next week’s grand final.
“It’s not that we don’t want to host it, it’s just that we can’t” said Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk, this morning.
“Like, I thought we could. But I’ve just realised over the weekend that ummm… Yeah the lights aren’t working at the Gabba or something”
“It’s gonna cost too much to fix the light bulbs. And it has to be a night time grand final because that’s when Queenslanders are used to watching sport”
“Sorry. But there’s gonna have to be an asterix next to 2020 for AFL record books”
This decision has garnered criticism from the southerners, given that it comes in the wake of the Brisbane Lions shock loss on Saturday night, which saw the entire state instantly lose all interest in the 2020 competition.
While Palaszczuk insists that logistics are the only thing stopping the Big Dance from taking place at the Gabba, some of her ministers are being slightly more transparent with their feelings towards this Queensland-free Grand Final.
“If the Lions aren’t playing what’s the point?” said Queensland’s Sports Minister Locky Downs while spinning a Steeden football between his hands, mid-press conference.
Mr Downs continued: “The Lions finally being a force was the only reason we agreed to host this ‘sport’.
“Nobody up here understands how this game is played, but we thought they were a shoe-in with a grand final at home.”
” There hasn’t been this much interest since we made it to the Big Dance for a potential four-peat in the early 2000s…. and even then we didn’t REALLY care”
“This is a Rugby League state after all. So we’re just focused on Origin now!”
It is understood that the patch of grass taken from the MCG has already been re-packed and sent back to Victoria. Inside the refrigerated truck will also contain the AFL Premiership Cup and the entire Geelong Cats squad.
NO MORE TO COME.