ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Historically, there’s been many special provisions granted to pupils of Betoota Grove’s exclusive Whooton School.

Much more than the rest of the town’s average.

It seems that each year, the dozens of doctors dotted around our town’s most exclusive and leafy enclave try to outdo each other in a race to see which of them can get the most ridiculous special medical provision approved by the education board.

This year’s winner looks to be Dr Harrison Rose-Morgan of the Betoota Grove Family Medicine Centre on Mullholland Circuit.

Whooton School Year 12 student, William Harden Esq., has been granted a special provision for his upcoming leaving certificate exams because he only has one last name.

Nearly all his classmates sport a double-barrelled surname but young William does not.

He’s not a child of divorce or even unwed parents. Nor one of a loveless corporate tryst that enjoyed one too many sinful reverse cowgirls.

His parents are middle Australians who decided to largely bankrupt themselves educating the little straight-haired bedwetter – something he doesn’t know or even appreciate now, but will come to learn when he and his domestic partner come home legless from dinner in a decade’s time and do it dirty on a danger day.

Nevertheless, the medical provision that William has just been allowed will give him extra time and the option of using a scribe of his choice.

The Advocate reached out to The Whooton School for comment but have yet to receive a reply.

More to come.


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