ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contacts

The middle-son of two Betoota Grove doctors has received a go in the mail from the Federal Government this morning despite never having one.

Marcus Albright-Taylor, the son of Dr John Albright and Dr Melanie Taylor, was surprised when the go turned up because he never asked for one in the first place, he said but he’s looking forward to putting it to good use.

“Does everyone get one of these from the government?” said the chipper scrum-half.

“What can I do with it? Is it one of those things that gets you into like good universities and colleges despite like fucking up all my leaving exams?”

“Or is this one I use after university to get a job? I remember my older brother got a go from the government. I think he used it to get a section 10 after he got done with cocaine at some night club or something. But I’m not going to waste mine on that, I’m going to play footy at uni while I study like ag economics so I can trade grain when my knee blows out and my dreams of being a Wallaby die.”

The Advocate reached out to the Minister for Education for comment on the number of goes being sent out to our nation’s youngsters ahead of their high school graduations later this year.

In response, the Hon. Dan Tehan said that while not every school leaver will receive a go this year, the government is committed to getting a go to those who are having one.

“Private school parents are, in effect, paying for a go each term, which is their own decision to make,” wrote the minister.

“At this point in time, we make and distribute a number of goes to public school students who pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Nevertheless, we urge people in that category to apply for scholarship programmes at private schools and universities,”

“Remember, you need to have a real go. No half-arsed goes. You need to give the government your whole arse to get a go.”

The Advocate reached out to the Principal of The Whooton School for comment but he was busy trying to put out spot fires after yet another teacher was arrested overnight for doing things on the internet that he shouldn’t be doing.

More to come.


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