ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Catholic Church is looking to distance itself from the disgraced Cardinal George Pell this morning in the wake of his sentencing for historic child sexual abuse crimes.

Pell, now a convicted child rapist, was given a minimum of three years and eight months in prison shortly after 11am Victorian time.

That has prompted Jesus’ own representative here on this godforsaken rock floating through space, to cut the human bag of shit loose.

Speaking exclusively to our reporter a short time ago, Pope Francis said the Church has punted Pell to the shit house.

“I’ve shut it down; cut him loose,” said the Pope.

“Jesus and his old man have been informed. I had a conference call with him before. Jesus is still really, really pissed off. He called me a ‘fucking idiot’ and said he never liked ‘that Pell cunt’. I understand Jesus is upset but I’m trying my best,”

“Nobody wants to be called an idiot. Anyway, Errol, you can put in your newspaper that we’ve effectively put Pell in the bin and hopefully we can move on with our lives. May God have mercy on your soul, pray for the Church.”

Our reporter has elected to not do that.

More to come.

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