LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has given the nation a much-needed ANZAC Day history lesson today.

ANZAC Day is a day to observe the human cost of war, most notably the WW1 Gallipoli campaign which saw over 10,000 Australian and New Zealand soldiers die and over 22,000 injured on the shores of Turkey. 

Speaking on that topic, Mr Morrison has proved himself once again to be an unbiased critical thinker by reminding us it wasn’t a flash day for the Turkish soldiers in Gallipoli either.

“When those 25,000 men showed up on the shores of Gallipoli, it wasn’t a particularly flash day for the Turks on the hill either,” he told reporters while uprooting an entire rosemary plant from a community garden to stick into his lapel.

Mr Morrison’s comments echo claims he made earlier this year, citing that arriving in Botany Bay wasn’t particularly flash for the First Fleet, in a baffling mix of first-year political science hot takes and long-term effects of abusing SkyNews.

Now put in context, it is obvious that Mr Morrison is sympathetic to all parties involved in unannounced onshore arrivals and how that may have explained his behaviour over the past eight years.

“When the Tamil asylum seekers showed up in Bioela it wasn’t a particularly flash day for me. Jenny had deleted the last ever episode of Funniest Home Videos that I had saved on the IQ from six years prior so you can imagine my personal grief.” 

“And like it or not, I can imagine the Turks felt like their favourite show had also been deleted when our fine young men were needlessly gunned down on their doorstep.” 

“Makes you think. They really knew how to stop some boats didn’t they.”

After making it clear in other countries young men are still killed in wars but not here in Australia, Mr Morrison stated that in such an event as war he would not allow a similar tragedy to take place, even though he doesn’t hold a bayonet.


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