ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Home Affairs Minister has proposed a social credit system for journalists today, telling the media in Canberra that the fourth estate needs to be held accountable for their actions.

Peter Dutton suggested that the government would introduce a bill to the lower house next week that would set the foundation for a credit system for journalists based upon a range of different contributing factors.

“The government would take a number of things into consideration,” said PeDu.

“A journalist’s financial credit score, their political leanings, their internet search history, the number of times they’ve had unprotected intercourse outside of marriage. How many times they’ve been critical of the government. If they’ve pashed someone from a third world country. Many things will be considered,”

“Most of the ABC wouldn’t be allowed to leave their home state without my permission. The Guardian staff would essentially be banned from using public transport or visiting Merivale establishments. Whereas the good people at The Australian would be eligible for interest-free mortgages from the Commonwealth and discounted meals at Grill’d. All Sky News employees will be given a free pair of jackboots to keep on their desk so they have something to lick throughout the day. You get the picture.”

The Advocate reached out to the Labor Party for comment and received a prompt reply from the Opposition Leader’s office.

Anthony Albanese told our reporters that freedom of the press is a cornerstone of democracy and his party would always fight to protect the rights of our nation’s media.

However, he said he was ‘kind of curious’ as to what reporter would have the worst social credit in the country.

“You know,” said Mr Albanese.

“I’ve often wondered what it’d be like to meet the bloke in China with the worst social credit. Provided he’s not a murderer or some other type of crook, would you reckon he’d be good to have a beer with?”

“Like he must be a real pig of a man. An absolute ratbag of the tallest order. Which makes me wonder, which reporter would have the worst social credit in the country? Who do you reckon?”

The Advocate indicated that it’d probably be Nine’s Richard Wilkins because of the entertainment reporter’s penchant to party.

Mr Albanese laughed and agreed.

But before our reporter could ask if he’d oppose this new bill to be put forward by the Coalition, Albo hung up the phone.

More to come.


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