Our great state of Queensland has today announced the resurrection of the economy, by finally green-lighting the Adani mega-mine.

With the state, like much of the country, floundering economically, facing rising unemployment and the raft of socio-economic issues that come with it, the final approval of the coal mine in the Galilee Basin comes as a huge boost today.

“This is a great win for the working people of Queensland,” explained Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk.

“The turning on the first sod of earth will signify the first step in reinvigorating the evaporated local industry and natural environment ravaged by recent climate events,” she said.

“With it, the rate of unemployment will be halved, the ice epidemic will be solved and the drought crippling farmers on the coal face, pardon my pun, will be broken.”

“Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. By creating a handful of FIFO jobs that will in all likelihood last as long as the average career of a professional rugby league player, Queensland’s economy has been saved.”

Her sentiments were echoed by lead economist at the Institute of Public Affairs, Tim Bolt.

“This is a fantastic win for working class people, not for large capitalist interests and a few FIFO workers.”

“Regardless of the fact that most of our export markets for coal are going to completely disappear in the next couple of years, this mine will keep putting food on the table for this economy.”

“We’ll probably be able to talk those greenie lefties in India and at the large multinational banks overseas into funding more investment in coal-fired power long term anyway.”

“And if that falls through, we’ve still got China, who we can definitely rely on.”

“On top of that, State and Federal government’s are investing in long term policies that foster sustainable, long term, and economically viable industries that provide employment for the people of this country.”

“So we certainly be in the situation we are now, where no one knows what to do to fix the economy so we all pretend like a coal mine owned by an Indian billionaire will solve huge structural issues across the board.”

“We once rode on the sheep’s back, benefited from a purring automotive industry, coasted on the great property boom and enjoyed the benefits of a natural wonder off our shores;”

“Now we’ll fly off the coin from a mine providing a handful of blokes the opportunity to buy a new jetski or Maloo and regular rounds of White Eggs.”

“That’s the next few years sorted, so long rising unemployment.”


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