ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The owner of one of the nation’s only comprehensively-insured VE Commodore Omegas has tragically killed it this morning after foolishly driving it into floodwaters on the NSW Mid-North Coast.
Damien Husk, who does something in a Port Stephens small office with a computer each day in return for money, said he thought the red ‘piece of shit’ could make it through the water and out the other side.
“Turns out I was wrong,” he said.
The 25-year-old explained to our reporter that he was under the impression the car could handle the water because of how the doors on the thing always fill up with water and slosh about whenever it rains a lot.
That and the ‘fucking thing’ bongs at him each time he turns it on.
“Check engine? Tell me something I don’t know, mate. Sometimes it even lets out a big manly grunt seconds after you start it. That’s probably the starter motor failing to disengage. Fuck yeah,”
“But my favourite thing about my car, one thing I’ll really miss, is the fact that the timing chains on the cunt were stretched like an old pair of Clive Palmer’s Y-fronts. I loved that part of it. When you take it in for a service, you wonder if this is the time when the mechanic says, ‘Mate, either torch the cunt or we need to do these chains before they fail when you’re overtaking some gibbering old pair of grey-haired sexagenerian sirloin-chewing cunts in a breathless petrol Prado towing a three-tonne caravan up over the Range. You’d fucken near die if the chains jumped off the cog at 5000rpm. Ka-fucking-pow!”
“But it’s hard to make a fire look like an accident so I thought I’d just drown the cunt and ring my insurer and pretend to be crying from the trauma of driving an over-insured red piece of shit into a flooded road,”
“Oh my God! I’ve almost died! [laughs]”
“Anyway, might’ve got away with it. Can you believe they’re giving me $9k for that thing? How fucked good.”
More to come.