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Queensland Premier David Crisafulli has today unveiled the plans for the Brisbane Games, set to take place in 7 years time.
This follows a 100-day independent review into the absolutely psycho decision by the previous state government to put their hand up as the only bidder to host the 2032 Olympic and Paralympic Games – at the height of the pandemic.
A thorough investigation in possible venues, infrastructure and transport options has resulted in the decision to build a new 63,000-seat stadium at Brisbane’s Victoria Park.
As a result of this new plan, Crisafulli has put Brisbane’s recreational golfers to sword, as they redevelop the famous inner-north Brisbane golf course.
But it’s not just any is public golf course, and one of the few locations in the city where the everyman or woman is welcome to play golf.
While the private clubs of Eagle Farm and St Lucia will remain as exclusive as ever, this decision to raze Victoria Park will see Brisbane edge ever closer to the cliquey southern cities that they have historically despised.
However, in fairness to the exclusive golf clubs, neither were close enough to the city to be considered a viable option. The only other option was Brisbane’s light industrial southside, which has long been a major transport hub and home to Australia’s icon cricket oval known as ‘The Gabba’.
But as multiple state governments have learnt over the last few decades, the influx of young urban professionals in Brisbane’s inner-south makes for extreme difficulty when planning infrastructural developments.
“Hell hath no fury like a self-employed architect” said Crisafulli today.
“The Gabba was a perfect place to host the games. Half the suburb are car dealerships and barbecue retailers who we could’ve fucked off west for cost price”
“But we’ve also got all this whinging yuppies in their flood-zoned Queenslanders who hate the sound of Triple M blaring from worksites”
“I think they hate sport in general. Unless the Lions look like they are going to make the finals, then they start buying scarves because it makes them feel like they are from Melbourne the pretentious cunts”
The journalists appeared shocked, as Crisafulli continued on his rant.
“We’ve got a primary school next a historic cricket stadium with 100 kids who could easily be absorbed elsewhere in the catchment. But it seems they have parents that really know how to use social media”
“So to the humble golfers of Brisbane’s last inner-city public course. I apologise”
“You weren’t my preferred enemy. But it became clear you were going to roll over the easiest”
“Now let the games begin”
