LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
The NRL has announced that players will be banned from all indoor events for the duration of the 2022 season in order to minimise the spread of the virus amongst players and staff, marking another awkward occasion where the NRL has taken a modern challenge more seriously than the current government.
These harsh restrictions have been criticised by many rugby league players who are starting their third season under Covid restrictions that have seen 13 of 16 teams relocate, with the New Zealand Warriors relocating to the Central Coast for the third consecutive year.
Although many players are making hundreds of thousands of dollars playing footy, these new restrictions mean they basically have fuck all chance to spend their money unless doing some groceries or ordering shit online.
According to the NRL, these restrictions are in place so that Covid cases do not spread amongst teams such as the confirmed cases in the current Panthers, Broncos, Cowboys and Titans squads.
Chairman of the NRL Peter V’Landys states that these restrictions on indoor venues are an effort to avoid a Brisbane Heat situation, as funny as it would be to see a bush grade Tigers side go down 86-0 a full strength Melbourne Storm.
However, a few players have once again confirmed that the rules only apply to them for 80 minutes each week by exploiting a restriction loophole and having their traditional sex parties outdoors.
Despite historical reports stating that some NRL players have had sex with only one person while no one else watched or filmed, many modern players have been known to enjoy an almost career destroying amount of team roots with some even recording their sexual exploits for future generations to study.
The specific outdoor location of the planned al fresco sex parties is unknown at the time of writing but will likely be easily identified when the 11 out of the projected 13 players involved post explicit videos of the romp online.