FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact

Mark Brandon “Chopper” Read may have cut his ears off after being subjected to Madonna’s horrific version of Don Maclean’s classic song American Pie, a new biography has claimed.

Author Bruce Tangerine’s new biography on the late career criminal and Melbourne underworld identity bases the interesting claim on the fact that the song really is an appalling piece of shit.

“It was and still is an audio abomination” he explains.

“And it makes me embarrassed to be a human being. When I first heard it I immediately soaked my stereo in Pine-O-Cleen to make sure it wasn’t contaminated; later that day I had to throw it away; just to be on the safe side, and also because it didn’t work anymore for some reason”.

However, music expert Jim Byron claims that the timeline of events does not seem to stack up.

“I read that Chopper had an inmate cut his ears off in 1977, in order to get out of H Division. It had nothing to do with Madonna at all. 1977 was a full 5 years before Madonna’s first single was released and 23 years before her American Pie massacre” he claimed in an interview earlier this week.

However, after being subjected to a short audio grab of the infamous song, he seemed to change his tune.

“Yeah, ok, maybe there is something to this after all. It does fit together in all ways except chronologically, so it’s probable that’s what happened. It’s a perfectly logical reaction. I mean, it really is a really, really bad song. Now if you’ll excuse me, I just have to visit the kitchen.”


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