ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A nice four-tooth whether got lost over the weekend and found himself mustered into a local farmer’s yards this morning.

The sheep, who spoke candidly to The Advocate this afternoon, said he walked up a stay in the corner of his home paddock on Friday afternoon to eat some fancy tree leaves but accidentally jumped down on the other side of the fence.

Into his owner’s neighbour’s paddock.

“They were all pregnant ewes,” said the sheep.

“And I think they were being mustered into the yards then down the lane to the big shed to get crutched for the spring. Whatever that means,”

“But when the farmer saw me in the yards, he pretty much laughed to himself then drafted me off into this small pen on my own.”

The next thing he knows, the farmer as returned from his Mazda Bangkok Billycart with a small-calibre rimfire rifle and shot him ‘pretty much’ between the eyes.

“And then he cuts two slits in my back legs, hangs me upside down on some hooks tossed through a tree then basically cuts me in half. Like the fuckwit full-blown gutted me, then skinned me. He put all my organs and shit inside my skin and threw it all in an old super bag. To cap it all off, he threw the bag containing my skin, fleece, organs, feet and head into some gully,”


If that wasn’t bad enough, the sheep says, his carcass was left to hang up in a boree tree out the front of the farmer’s homestead overnight.

“Do you know how cold I felt being that naked?” said the sheep.

“It got down to like minus 3.”

Then in the morning, the farmer came to pick the now-stiff-as-a-boogie-board sheep from the tree and took him into the workshop.

“He didn’t even have a band saw, he just cut me in half with a drop saw,”

“Then he quartered me with a blunt hacksaw. Like it was amateur hour,”

“Now I’m in a freezer and the bloke who owns me has probably done the same thing to another lost wether that this bloke who knocked me off owns.”

More to come.


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