The National Party has today announced plans to strip even more funding away from rural education, after it became apparent that their usually compliant constituents were starting to learn big words.

The growing oppositions towards coal seam gas projects in regional Australia is becoming an issue for both the National MPs, and their employers in the fossil fuel industry.

A controversial coal seam gas project near Narrabri in North-West NSW, has entered its final stages of planning and the NSW Government is looking to fast-track its approval under the guise of creating essential jobs during the COVID-19 pandemic and Black Lives Matters protests.

However, the usual approach of telling farmers and other regional voters that they are stupid and should just shut up about issues that don’t concern them, doesn’t appear to be working as well as it used to.

Political analysts say the growing civil disobedience from rural voters may stem from the sports rorts scandal that saw fuck all support for sporting clubs in safe National seats, except for Bridget McKenzies rifle range of course.

Farmers are also growing believed to be suspicious on whether or not they actually benefit from this trend of raping and pillaging fertile farming soil in the name of keeping Santos happy.

The biggest thorn in the side of the royalty-free coal seam gas industry, that racked up a total income of almost $15 billion for Santos over the four years, is the Lock The Gate movement.

Lock The Gate is described as a national coalition of farmers and environmentalists working to protect Australian land, water and communities from risky coal mining, coal seam gas and fracking. Their biggest concern right now is the Narrabri Gas Project.

However, as Nationals leader Michael McCormack points out, this radical group of outer-rural-townie lefties don’t seem to realise that the Narrabri gas project will result in Santos paying 11.5 per cent income tax, just one-third of the corporate rate, but still, not a bad sugar hit – even if it is just a touch over $3 million on $14,938 million.

“These concerns over the risks of ruining the water table with fracking have been brought to my attention” said McCormack in a press conference today.

“What I will say is, regional Australians need to focus their fears towards ISIS and and homosexual communists.”

“These environmental concerns are just a result of left-wing sensationalism – and I blame it on all of these smug rural universities and public high schools we have out here. Something needs to change”

“Now, while the Nationals get to work gutting rural education, I would ask our voters to just settle down and redirect their attention to the fact that Nestle are changing the name of some lollies you haven’t eaten in 30 years”

“Bloody lefties trying to ruin everything”


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