The National Party is reportedly preparing for yet another leadership spill, as former Deputy PM Barnaby Joyce makes a dash towards his 9th schooner threshold over lunch today.

‘The 9th schooner threshold’ is most commonly known as the pivotal moment in a pub session when drunken patrons officially declare themselves good at pool.

However, for those working closely with the Member Of New England, it is more associated with Barnaby Joyce opening up Twitter and firing off some tweets that his colleagues would describe as ‘rather inconvenient’.

After a well-done Canberra sirloin at around 1pm, the ambitious Nationals backbencher has kept a steady pace on the Tooheys New for most of the afternoon.

As the clock nears 4pm, messages are being relayed around the WhatsApp group chats of Nationals staffers, with predictions of an imminent challenge to the leadership of the party.

This comes as ‘someone’ in the National Party leaked to the media that current leader Michael McCormack and his wife flew from Canberra on a VIP government special purpose RAAF jet before the Melbourne Cup, where he celebrated in the exclusive Birdcage with Gina Rhinehart, billed the taxpayers tens of thousands of dollars for the 24-hour round trip, and then justified his spending by re-announcing a three-year-old funding pledge for a sports hall at an event that confused local councillors who had already begun preparing for upgrades.

While Barnaby Joyce has surprisingly not yet commented publicly on the blatant Bronywyn-Bishop-style decadence of his rival McCormack, his 9th schooner is now at halfway point.

This means the Member for weatherboard and iron is about to let slip the dogs of war.

Witnesses inside the same pub as Barnaby have told the Betoota Advocate that he is now well and truly sporting a bright red RSL tan, and has began loudly explaining to the bartender that he didn’t do nuthin as bad as what this bloke’s been up to.

At time of press, a swaying Barnaby Joyce had taken his phone out of his pocket and was staring at it with one eye shut, while breathing heavily.

This is a developing story.


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