RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact

“This is the best deal you’re going to get, guys,” Mortgage Broker Matthew Sicily (34) told his new clients, Jessica and Bryan Hawk, with a straight face this morning.

The Hawks had engaged the services of Sicily to make easy their process of getting a home loan from the bank to the tune of $789,000. Sicily had explained to the first home buyers that the Bank of Betoota was the best fit for them. It had the most straight forward loan arrangements, and offered the most competitive interest rate on the market.

While none of those things were exactly true per se, what is true is that Sicily himself would be getting the highest upfront commission available for brokers from all available banks. Not that he bothered burdening the Hawks with unnecessary details like that. 

Nor would Sicily ever dream of bothering his new lucrative clients with the information that the trailing commissions the bank was going to pay him over the life of the loan would equate to tens of thousands of dollars in his back pocket for doing precisely fuck all.

In fact, as Sicily explained the details of their new loan contract, he quietly hoped that they were unaware they could actually get those trailing commissions as cash back for themselves.

“Thanks so much for making this whole process so easy, Matt,” an eternally grateful Jessica said to him with stars in her eyes. “Seriously,” her partner Bryan continued, “we couldn’t have got the loan without you.”

The Advocate witnessed Sicily shake his head softly, put his hand to his heart, and say: “My pleasure, guys. I’m passionate about finding clients the very best value home loan arrangement they can.”

“In fact, I’m legally obliged to do so,” he said with a charismatic smile. While he spoke, the Advocate got the sense that internally, Sicily was freaking out a little bit. Lately, more and more potentially new clients had been raising the question around whether he was one of those ‘cash-back’ brokers that the Barefoot Investor had made famous. “Fucken Barefoot Investor,” Sicily muttered under his breath.

“Pardon?” Jessica asked.

“Nothing,” Sicily recovered. “No, I was just saying have you got any other questions?” The Hawks looked at each other with that sweet financially-illiterate grin that so many Betootians are fond of, and unanimously declared that there were no more questions from them.

“Thank fuck” Sicily said. “I mean, well, that’s excellent. Congratulations, guys. You’re going to love home ownership.” 

More to come.


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