LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
High on his mandate, Prime Minister Scott Morrison rolled up to a 10 am press conference at 11:30 am to announce his new plans for central QLD.
“How good is listening to what I have to say?” jeered the PM.
“Boy have I got a surprise for you bee-yotches.”
Reading off the Notes app on his phone, Mr Morrison outlined his plan to create jobs in the state that won him an election that he attributes to a higher power.
Mr Morrison brought the function room of Rockhampton Leagues Club to a standing ovation when he announced a multi-million dollar plan to bring back whaling in Queensland.
With a resounding 102% of nearby residents demanding this plan begin tomorrow, critics have been quick to point out the environmental impact of whaling and the impractical nature of conducting whaling in inland communities.
Not to be brought down by critics, Mr Morrison then spent the next hour posing with a harpoon gun and pretending to shoot reporters with it whenever they asked him a difficult question.
The plan has received support from Clive Palmer who stated this was a plan he was going to put forward if he was elected anyway.
“It will be a whale of a time!” sung Palmer as he lined his fireplace with $5 notes.
“I can tell you now, I will be the first in line to buy a bag of fried blowholes. You know why? Because they’re delicious!”
The Labor party is yet to make a statement on whether or not they support this plan.