LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

Proving they are Australia’s most European city, a fringe group of Melbourne activists are planning a series of continental-style disruptive protests to demand their right to shop unmasked at Bunnings at 2am.

These protests come as stage 4 restrictions are enforced in metropolitan Melbourne including an 8pm – 5am curfew and the continued mandatory use of face masks.

“It’s un-Australian,” stated professional psychic Magenta Phoenix, who as a ‘sovereign citizen’ is just a bit un-Australian herself.  

“I have a medical condition, that you’re not allowed to ask about, which means I cannot wear a mask, nor can I leave my house in normal daylight hours, I have to shop at night, I have to!”

“You all say you’re taking the plandemic seriously, but I don’t think you realise how serious my miscellaneous medical condition, that you’re not allowed to ask about, is.”

According to Phoenix, she and other sufferers of democracy-manifest will be arriving at their local Bunnings at 2am, mask-free and demanding entry.

“It is our right. As certified morons it is our right to do whatever we want and we will not be using that right wisely or even decently.”

When asked for a comment, a representative Bunnings stated they will only be open in areas where it is safe during their usual opening hours and asked to be punched hard in the face and awoken only when this shit is over.



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