A French Quarter deadshit has unwittingly passed a number of stringent tests laid out by his new girlfriend’s lesbian godmothers over the weekend.

Receiving the stamp of approval, Dennis Penk said he wasn’t even aware he was being examined when he spoke to The Advocate this morning on his commute into the Old City District.

“God,” he sighed.

“Imagine what would’ve happened if I didn’t get the approval. What would’ve happened? Probably nothing but the thought chills me,”

“What does chill me, however, is the amount of influence Grenadine and Bucket have over my girlfriend, Zena. By the sounds of things, it seems like they can make her do just about anything. I hope they don’t convincer her to slowly poison me or something. I’ve got a lot of life left to live.”

Our reporter spoke briefly to Zena Dunlop, who works as personal secretary to The Advocate’s sports editor, Imran Gashkori, while she moonlights as Dennis’ carer at night.

While she agreed with The Advocate’s notion that Dennis is ‘a bit of a deadshit‘, she feels that prevents him from being nefarious in both his private and professional life.

“I think he’s nice and polite. He also has great earning potential and he’s not a Catholic,” she said.

“But most importantly, Buck and Gren have given me their blessing. They said while he’s not going to find a way to make the Spanish dancer stop dancing, there’s a lot of other redeeming things about him,”

“Off the top of my head, I can’t really remember any but they said go for it none the less. If they told me he was no good, I would’ve just told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship, which would’ve been a bald-faced lie but you can’t ignore your lesbian fairy godmothers, can you?”

Our reporter shrugged then Imran walked in and said he needed Zena to type up an email he was going to dictate to the ICC.

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here