ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local plus one has spoken of a shocking experience he endured at an engagment party last weekend, telling The Advocate he barely made it out alive.

Gregor Weldon, a townplanner at the Betoota Shire Council, was on handbag-holding duty at his wife’s work friend’s engagement party down at the Lake Betoota Amatuer Sailing Club on Saturday afternoon.

He told this masthead that the dress code was lounge suit, which is why he wore his best half-fucked MJ Bale number with riding boots. Something he thought was sensible and most importantly, made him effectively invisible.

“Most of us were in suits,” he said.

“Ran into a bloke from school. Good to catch up, he’s on the spanners at Jenko’s in the French Quarter now. But let me tell you about this one cunt who was there in boat shoes and a blazer. That’s bad news in my book. You’ve gotta stay as far as you can away from blokes in boat shoes at these types of get-togethers,”

“Worst part, he wasn’t even that old. I knew he was going to come over and try chew my ear off with stories about how early he got into AfterPay and why he thinks the real estate market still has more to fall. Mate, I take bribes from the Mayor and rezone land he owns for a living. That’s what I do. Honestly, life is too short to spend it speaking to blokes wearing boat shoes, I swear to every God there is. Spose the party was in a sailing club but cunt are you blind? It says loungue suit, not fuckwit suit. You should’ve seen him. Fucking hors d’oeuvres down his front, a bottle of Peroni sloshing about in his paw. Everywhere he went in the room, my back was against the wall on the opposite side,”

“Last word, mate, but my wife says I need to be more social but Christ. I am social, I just don’t like people wearing boat shoes not on a boat. Is that weird? Am I the fuckwit? You know, I wanted to join the army when I left school and I fucking wish I did. There’d be none of this bullshit, just eat sleep get yelled at repeat. Living.”

More to come.


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