TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact

As the Australian public moves towards the lockdown, the government does not seem remotely interested in giving a go, panic buying has eased as most people wonder what the fuck to do with all these chickpeas.

One person who may result to a second wave of panic buying is Gatorade saxophonist virtuoso Charlie McNeil (29) who can’t seem to remember what happened to half of his frozen goods.

“I was going to have these hashbrowns for breakfast this morning,” exclaimed Charlie as he held an empty bag of hashbrowns at 1 pm.

“And why is there chicken salt in my beard?”

After a private investigation, McNeil soon came to the realisation that his stoned self has been his own Kim family-style parasite, feasting on the stockpile that is meant to sustain him until the last of the cruise ships are buried at sea.

“Ah, yep, did get a bit hungry last night after the fourth hot one.”

“And after the sixth. And ninth. Never on a prime number though. Woah.”

Not one to take a ration hit lying down, McNeil immediately sprang into action and messaged his dealer to ask if he had any more of the good stuff.


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