FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT
In an unusual move, Victorian Labor has employed a former swagman, with no political experience whatsoever, as an advisor.
The appointment came as a surprise to those outside the party, with the reason only revealed to those inside the party weeks later.
“I was just looking for a remote place to bury a large roll of carpet, when I saw this old bloke heating up his billy over a campfire.” said a sensibly unnamed powerbroker in what later turned out to be a televised interview.
“As soon as I saw how well that campfire was constructed I knew we needed to get him on board. It was clear he was an expert; the branches were so expertly stacked.”
The swagman, who doesn’t have a fixed address but spends a lot of his time riding in the back of trucks between Mount Isa and Mildura, says he’s excited about the new role.
“As someone who lives a life of petty crime and vagrancy, I feel I will thrive in this position as a vague and anonymous background figure” he said.
“I know my strengths as someone who is able to survive in a cash econony without any paperwork”
However, not all of the party is convinced the swagman would be a suitable fit. That’s according to one factional insider
“We need to get these dirty men out of here. We need to clean the place up! Right now! We need to clean out the filth and get this place spick and span!” said a middle-aged woman who it was later revealed was there to steam clean the carpets and was not connected to the Victorian Labor Party.
Further interviews were planned but the reporter’s car exploded when he pressed the unlock button so this article will be concluded by a new member of staff who may or may not be a swagman.