ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

As if this year couldn’t get any worse, the sport of breakdancing has been included in the 2024 Paris Olympic Games.

It’s not all bad news, according to one local youth leader, who says the police and community are ready to help the town’s unruly young people get focused on their breakdancing journey.

For a few years now, French Quarter PCYC dance director Ryan Washbrook has been helping local teenagers and assorted miscreates redirect their energy into something more productive.

One of those avenues is breakdancing.

“A lot of the kids around town got into breakdancing after an interaction with the police,” he said.

“Most of the cops carry with them a little breakdancing gun that can turn even the most stoic of violent offenders into breakdancers in a matter of seconds,”

“They really get into it after they’ve been zapped. Writhing around in the dirt, moaning in some sickly, alien fashion. Some even piss themselves,”

“To the layperson, it actually sounds quite shocking. You don’t really hear much about middle-class people going to the shops and end up breakdancing out the front because they’ve had an unsavoury experience with some deadshit probationary constable. Breakdancing is a very working-class sport. The lower your net worth, the lower your mental health is, the more likely you are to end up on the breakdancing team.”

The Advocate requested comment from the Betoota Central Police Command on the breakdancing guns and how officers use them but have yet to receive a reply.

More to come.


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