ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A denizen of Betoota Heights’ endless sprawl of defective new builds has told The Advocate that he has a small hunch that his de facto life partner received her tax return last Friday after walking in on her using an exotic skincare device.

A few weeks back, Abel Frisbee was strolling through the local Stockland shopping centre with his common-law wife Melanie Smeller when they took the inevitable detour into Mecca Cosmetica to “just look at a few things.”

Abel walked the aisles while Mel was robbed at brushpoint by one of the sales representatives. He noticed a $700 LED face mask and picked up the demo and put it to his face.

“Hey Mel,” he laughed.

“Dead or alive, you’re coming with me!”

The RoboCop quote, he says, was lost on Mel and the freaked-out Mecca lady but after being shaken down for $138, Abel and Melanie left and on to the next quality high street retailer.

Which is why over the weekend, Abel was confronted to see the $700 mask he laughed at hovering in the dark of his bedroom on Saturday morning.

He explained to our reporter that he never in a million years would’ve thought Mel would be the type of consumer to purchase such a ridiculous thing.

“It’s a bunch of LED lights in a mask, it’s the same light you get in an office,” he said.

“I don’t get it. She actually bought that stupid mask I was laughing at three weeks ago. She must’ve got her tax back.”

Mel did confirm to The Advocate that she had got her tax back.

“So what?” she said.

“I bought an LED face mask. Abel bought an $850 driver off his version of Mecca last week. Golfbox. I’ve seen him play golf before; he asked me to go with him once. He is beyond shit. Not to mention the golf clubs he bought a few months ago because, ‘The boys are getting into golf!’ so he needed to spend $3500 on the full kit. He’s got two golf drivers now!”

“Fucking spare me. It’s my money. Knowing Abel, he won’t even get a refund this year and complain to me about it for months.”

More to come.


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