ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A gaggle of North Betoota gym junkies are rejoicing this morning after discovering that nearly every new year resolution member has since lost interest in changing the direction of their lives.
Arriving shortly before 6 AM, local orthodontist Greg Lootmahn was expecting to see the usual January smorgasbord of portly Betootanese residents flogging themselves to death on an exercise bike or trying to bench half their bodyweight unspotted.
“Mate, you should see what these ham planets put their bodies through, it’s scary stuff,” said the 41-year-old. “You try to tell them to take it easy, to build their fitness up gradually. But no, they go from having no fitness to a seriously strenuous cardio session. That’s how you die.”
Echoing Mr Lootmahn’s sentiments, gym owner Rob Simpson was spotted earlier today flicking through a Porsche catalogue as he enjoyed a breakfast affogato down at the Black Swan Cafe.
“Yeah mate, you get these people in at the start of every year. New year, new me type bullshit, you know? Anyway, they get a bit of an idea that improving your fitness is quite uncomfortable initially. Then they quit, go back to eating Titanic portions while they get in some serious couch time.”
“It’s a cash bonanza, cunt. Let me buy you a coffee.”
More to come.
