EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

As she stares at herself sobbing in the bathroom mirror, local girl Sadie Partridge [22] is struck with two thoughts.

One, crying makes her eyes look SO PRETTY AND GREEN…which is nice as everyone mistakes them for brown.

Perhaps it’s worth investing in some nice red eye shadow.

And two, the mascara streaks running down her crying face make her look exactly like her decrepit poodle cross something, Molly, whose permanent eye stains are getting darker and crustier the older she gets.

A dog that is not only the staple of a middle class household across the country, but is also usually replaced by the same make and model, right before the original copy dies.

Who her mum has aptly called Bella.

This strange routine of crying, voice messaging her best friend, and then taking a good look at herself in the mirror, has proven quite therapeutic for Sadie, and is part of what she likes to refer to as her fortnightly cleansing ritual of ‘trying to deal with life as an adult’ – with today’s trigger being informed that she has to pay a whole month’s rent upfront, a bond, and furniture for her unfurnished room, just one day after losing her Bose headphones.


Vigorously rubbing at the little wet spikes of clumped mascara, Sadie wonders if moving out of her parents house is the right decision, and if it’s too late to crawl back into the womb.

More to come.


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