Local builder, Todd Rakzovic says his 18-year-old apprentice is much more “fidgety” since receiving his $8,000 tool bonus from the Federal Government last friday.

Todd believes his first-year-apprentice, who goes by the name of Mitch Ross, has most likely spent the money on ‘recreational’ activities.

“Mate, he didn’t need any new tools. We provide him with tools… You can only imagine what he has gone and spent that shit on” says Todd.

“I see it happen year after year. We had one bloke that went clubbing every night for three weeks straight. Like, I deadset don’t think he slept for the good part of the month,”

“These stupid pricks have no idea. It’s more of a loan than a bonus… The taxman is gonna come looking for that money one day and all he’s got to show for it is a bunch of spots on his brain from pingers,”

However, Mitch says the money has provided him with some much needed financial relief as he attempts to make ends meet in his first year out of school.

“Mate, these old codgers think its a waste money. I’m being paid nine fucking dollars and hour. Cut me some slack,”

“All these uni kids get to piss their HECS loan up the wall, whats wrong with me having a few disco biccies here and there,”

“Its not affecting my job. I hung 32 doors yesterday on this new Westfield job. The boss should seriously consider filling me up with doopers all year round,”



  1. Meanwhile up and coming 18 year old sex worker from Rooty Hill, Suzette, (not her real name) had her application for the eight grand knocked back. When she enquired as to why she was being refused, the bureaucratic 55 year old virgin she was dealing with stated that firstly, she did not have the gear to be “up and coming” and secondly, it was her clients and not her who had the tools.

    Suzette has now applied for British Virgin Island citizenship so that at least now she will not have to pay any tax, just like her best clients.


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