ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Betoota Grove 19-year-old awoke this morning to a package on the kitchen island that’d come all the way from London, Europe’s worst and most overrated city.

It was from Will Lochie’s auntie, Meredith, who he doesn’t get to see much but seeing a package from her before, on or after his birthday is often just as good as seeing her in person.

Speaking to our reporter as he mowed his Dad’s lawn this morning, the university student said this time around his Auntie M got him a Nintendo Switch.

“Mum didn’t know what it was but when I told her it was a fistful of folded ones, she just rolled her eyes and said maybe she should just call more,” he said.

“I know she loves me but this is a whole new level of you fucking beauty. I’ll fail my first semester because of it. She got the Zelda pack, too, which is what I would’ve gotten if I had that amount of disposable income,”

“Auntie M knows me too well. My parents are kind of shocked that I can be bought this easily, I think. Who gives a shit. Yolo, bunji.”

The Advocate reached out to Auntie Meredith for comment but received a muted and largely angry response at it’s 2am in London when this article goes to print.

More to come.


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