ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Agricultural giant John Deere has announced the launch of a dedicated children’s media network aimed at securing lifelong brand loyalty while teaching young Australians the evils of Case IH equipment.
The network, called “Deere Jr.”, will feature educational programming designed to enstill the company’s values in children before they are old enough to push the rabbit forward. Content includes animated farmyard adventures, singalong songs about diesel efficiency, and cautionary tales of Case IH machinery ruining lives.
“We want kids to grow up knowing that red tractors are for bad people,” said John Deere Australia marketing executive McBride Dude.
“If they see a neighbour using Case IH, they shouldn’t trust them. It’s stranger danger on steroids. If it’s red, you’re dead.”
The campaign follows John Deere’s longstanding commitment to brand tribalism, which has long defined Australian agriculture. Other manufacturers are also deeply entrenched in farm culture, with New Holland widely believed to cater to farmers with autism, Kubota to hobby farmers who haven’t even taken the paint off the bucket, Massey Ferguson to those who have no money and no shame, Mahindra for primary producers who like things that are fucked at all times.
John Deere’s biggest rival, Case IH, is positioned as the industry villain, accused of everything from harvesting organs instead of wheat to being secretly owned by European aristocrats who want to outlaw diesel and legislate electric tractors.
“Case IH owners are the sort of blokes who refuse to lend a hand during a flood but show up when the beers come out,” said one farmer in Betoota’s cropping district.
“Or do an Acknowledgement of Country before they illegally pull 400ac of mulga.”
John Deere says the new network will ensure that not another generation is lost to the red menace. Programming begins next month, with “Big Green & Friends” set to premiere at field days nationwide.
More to come.
