ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

For some reason, the family-owned Mitre 10 on Greenbaur Road in Betoota Heights is making customers wear masks from today – making it the only business in the wider local community to do so.

Facemasks are being made available free of charge upon entry and customers are allowed to keep them when they leave.

This small, albeit odd request from the Stacey family Mitre 10 has found the ire of one local man, who told floor manager Dale Stacey that his right not to wear a mask was protected by the Australian Constitution.

“It’s on page 488 of the constitution, mate,” said Peregrin Box, a Betoota Heights man who spends a lot of time on the internet.

“So shove your mask up your arse, Dale.”

When pressed by Dale, who is currently studying a Bachelor of Laws at South Betoota Polytechnic University, which part of the constitution Peregrin was referring to specifically, the birdman was able to answer promptly.

“Chapter IV, Section 95,” said Peregrin.

“Which is on page 488. Now, would you please show me to your bathroom fittings?”

As Peregrin tried to push past Dale, from the gardening power tool aisle and in Peregrin’s blind spot, emerged The Advocate’s editor, Clancy Overell.

In what police describe as ‘an unprovoked assault”, Clancy slapped Peregrin in the right ear which resulted in a ruptured eardrum.

While on the floor, Clancy also kicked Peregrin a number of times until he lost consciousness.

Dale then asked Clancy to leave the shop while our reporter attempted to corral him into The Advocate’s burgundy 2000 Chrysler Neon without getting bombed themselves.

Clancy is now at his beach house with the family lawyer.

More to come.


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