ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Parents of a Lake Betoota degenerate have welcomed him home for another celebration of some magic sky man’s birth.

And for the fifth year running, he’s come back from the big smoke unaccompanied.

Deb and Magellan Pearson, both 70, have a healthy fear of boat people and the Labor Party. Despite this, Deb manages to put that fact aside whenever she goes to the dry cleaners, she says, and Magellan gets his haircut from “the Lebanese bloke” in the Old City because “those blokes have great hair”.

Their life is good. Magellan can still hit his long irons and ride a motorbike at 70, which is impressive. Deb has a deep loathing for the people she plays bridge. A burgundy Mercedes Benz is her chariot.

Putting this all to the side, one part of their life is miserable.

“We think our son, Poncho, might be homosexual,” said Deb.

The breeding pair of Boomers spoke candidly to The Advocate about their youngest child, who seems to be more interested in “partying” and “work” than starting a family with that homely girl they like from down the street.

“He’s come home for Christmas without anybody for us to meet, again. It’s so disappointing. It’s not that we’re against gay people, it’s just disappointing that he’s going to miss out on so much,” she added.

Magellan nodded.

“We love our son, we just want him to be happy. Nobody can be happy alone.”

However, when we spoke to Poncho at Main Beach down on Lake Betoota, he couldn’t help but laugh.

“Yeah, nah,” he said.

“They worry, don’t they. Nah, they’re just fucken old. They got married when they were like 20 so what would they know? But yeah, nothing on the boil right now. A few on the stove but coming back to Betoota for Christmas will make sure nothing boils over. Might see what some of my old flames around town are doing, actually,”

“I don’t know what my parents would hate more. Me being gay or engaging in a little bit of Sunday morning side doggy in their house with Kelly from number 42 down the street,”

“Oi but bruz, you watching the fight tonight?”

Our reporter nodded and said maybe at The Ovy.

“Yeah sweet, I was thinking of going to the Lord Overell in the Frenchie, too. We’ll have a beer and I’ll tell you more stories, mate. Good seeing you.”

More to come.


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