RORY SALAZAR | Government | Contact

A State government talking-head has today confirmed that this year’s poor NAPLAN results prove something they have known for a very long time.

Teachers are the greatest threat to Australia’s prosperity.

“Our role as government is to not only set the curriculum but give teachers the support they need to succeed,” the featureless government shill said.

“That means providing teachers with world-class materials to help them plan, and empowering them to be their best by recognising the incredibly tough conditions they navigate each day.”

“But we refuse to do that while they continue to fuck everything up,” said the public servant who enjoys an incredible work/life balance in his cushy 9-day a fortnight job as a meaningless apparatus of the State.

“What these NAPLAN results show is that despite the government continuing to heap more pressure on teachers to work harder with less resources amid higher expectations, they refuse to do what they’re paid incredibly well to do and teach kids the basic skills needed to survive in this world.”

The Advocate understands that, like every year before this one, this year’s NAPLAN results have provided the government with a stark reminder that teachers are the lowest life form on Earth. Scumbags who deserve to have society’s boot pressed against their ungrateful throats ever harder, so that each year more of them either become perfect beings or have a nervous breakdown and quit the profession trying.

“To keep these miscreants honest, the government has worked hard to ensure insecure work is common, and ongoing work a pipe dream.

Making teachers suffer the indignity of applying for their own jobs every year gives them a healthy reminder that everyone hates them. Not just the kids who tell them that each day, but parents, government and society as a whole.”

“These NAPLAN results show yet again that it’s not the lack of government funding, or the inherent stressors involved in trying to actually find the time to teach 30 kids in between classroom planning, report writing, or the thousand and one other administrative tasks we force on teachers in an endlessly expanding work load, it’s the teachers themselves that are the problem,” said the pencil-pusher who expects
his own kid’s Year 9 teacher is not only going to teach them maths but also what manners are and how to navigate puberty.

“If there wasn’t an unprecedented teacher shortage in this country we’d fire them all.”

Sadly there are few human beings resilient enough to survive even one year as a teacher, which just adds to the problems they’re causing.”

More to come.


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