With summer approaching, outsiders forbidden and the Titans finishing in an unprecedented 9th spot it’s fair to say there’s a bit of a vibe in the Gold Coast right now.

But it’s not all sun and roids, many locals have been negatively impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic which is surprising as Queensland has one of the lowest infection rates of literally anywhere in the world.

Gold Coast locals such as Ian Clarke (33) have found facemasks an absolute hindrance on public transport as they muffle the sounds of his passionate racist tirades.

“Look, with the borders closed there aren’t as many [redacted] to be yelling at,” stated Clarke while intensely eying other passengers.

“But fark me, I wore this mask for two minutes and none of them could hear me telling ’em to go back to where they came from. How fucked is that but?”

Clarke is known for his unprovoked racial tirades on public transport that can last anywhere from 30 seconds to five minutes depending on the length of the trip and how long it’s been since someone from One Nation got elected. 

According to him, not only do the masks make it difficult to breathe they completely block out the finer points of his racist rants such as why his mother’s immigration to Australian 50 years ago is ‘chill’ but that all immigration after that is ‘crook.’

“They can’t understand me and it just makes me feel a bit silly overall.”


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