ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A great lump of a man who’s a constant source of immeasurable disappointment to his parents has come to them this morning with a new app idea.

Xavier Frisian called his Pa into the den of his palatial Betoota Grove Edwardian revival and told his mother to wait outside.

Our reporter was frozen in the adjoining rumpus room, almost caught in the act of burgling the Frisian’s good cutlery and medications.

“You know how the government is going to start drug testing people on Centrelink?” he puffed towards his Dad.

His father made a noise that perfectly weaved between breaking his little boy’s heart and begging him to cut the shit and sort his fucking life out.

“Well, I have an idea to make an app that likes the Uber of clean piss for those people on welfare. Like they can smoke all the hoota they want then buy clean piss from, wait for it, ‘Piss Pass’.”

Silence filled the house.

Our reporter squealed internally as he found an unopened pot of phenergan.

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” said Xavier’s dad.

His wife urged him not to lose his temper but it was about 12 years too late.

During the ensuing argument and shouting match, our reporter was able to escape out the front door after almost running into and bowling over Mrs Frisian. She screamed and so did our reporter but in the chaos, managed to get out the door and away to safety.

More to come.


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