LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
While working over the weekend in an Old City District start up, Betoota man Isaac Bennett (34) realised that he forgot to leave the city and live life off grid last year.
A developer at Cryptotherapy, a crypto trading app that connects you with licensed therapists when your investments tank, Bennett has long talked about leaving the world of tech and settling down in a cozy little plot of land where no one can hear him watching porn without headphones on.
However, Bennett has realised he has neglected his spermy River Cottage dream once again, likely due to the immense amount of time he spends in reality.
“Fuck,” said Bennett, as he typed a delicate email to his boss asking for a half day off in a months time.
“I forgot to move off grid. Again.”
Although Bennett experiences withdrawals when he is in a town without an Apple store for too long, the tech savvy man believes it is his destiny to live off the land and develop some hand calluses that aren’t from coding while on coke.
“I’m going to do it. I am really going to do it, I swear,” stated Bennett in an apparent impersonation of himself from five years ago.
“And when society collapses all the people who doubted me will be shot on arrival.”