ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A legal professional threw dietary caution to the wind this morning in the coffee line, choosing at the last moment to treat herself to an $8 muffin for breakfast.

Melanie Taylor, a Betoota Heights local who quite obviously loathes her junior associate role at our cosmopolitan desert community’s Minter Clayton Kuntz DLA offices on Rue de Branlette, sat down with our reporter as she ate the chocolate muffin with her strong flat white this morning.

“I just felt a bit flat this morning,” she said.

“Which isn’t rare, just quietly. I saw the muffins there and I just thought, ‘Fuck it,’ and picked it up. When I saw it was $8 at the register, I thought, ‘Jesus Christ it better be the best muffin I’ve ever had,’ it wasn’t but I don’t care,”

“I treated myself and nobody should feel bad for doing that. Fuck me, fire up! I’ll need the energy of four toey humans in a cab to get through today but I’d rather be in bed. Carpe diem, Errol.”

And with that, the Virgo took the lid off her takeway coffee cup and licked the foam of it.

“Do you want the rest of this muffin? This is full-strength milk I just realsied. I can’t eat all of this.”

More to come.


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