Groans can be heard from city offices, kitchen tables and many couches across the country this morning as the nation’s email based workers log on for the shortest Friday in history.

With much of the country choosing not to participate in celebrating the invasion of First Nations land by white colonialists, and instead choose to bunker down before the weekend begins, it’s believed national productivity is at an all time low.

After chatting to several Australians who are making the effort to clock into their desk job today, The Advocate can confirm that this Friday, the 27th of January is an absolute piss take.

“Mate, it’s a joke, nothing is gonna get done today” lamented Brisbane investment analyst Fiona Andrews.

“I’m surprised they have even bothered to turn the TVs on at the ASX, no one’s gonna be trading today.”

Speaking to Fremantle based graphic designer Casey Adams (34), its reported most of WA will be clocking off early too.

“Honestly by the time we log on everyone on the east coast will have already switched off, there’s no point us turning on our computers at all!”

The general apathy for not getting any work done has even spread to rural Victoria, where at least several white collar businesses have already shut up shop before midday. 

Speaking to local Mildura legend Gary Abercrombie (55), an accountant who runs a firm on Deakin Street in town, it appears even small business owners have told their staff to just take it easy.

“Mate I’m not even expecting my team of eight to lift a finger today, I’ve told them all to just go enjoy their weekend.”

“We’re about to enter that three month slog til Easter, I’ve already packed the trailer up with camping gear and I’m about to hit the road!”

Speaking to our own reporters here in the Diamantina, The Advocate’s can confirm out of office replies will be on and schooner glasses will be full of Betoota Bitter by 2pm today.

No more to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here