An armada of Japanese ships has reportedly been spotted making a beeline for the Tasmanian coast this week, after news broke of an urgent research mission.

With the stranding of 230 pilot whales in Macquarie Harbour making international news, it’s believed Japan’s crack team of scientists had wasted little time in heading south.

While a number of the whales still remain alive in the tragic stranding, the Japanese research team has informed The Advocate that ‘there is probably no point in trying to get them back out to sea.’

“We just wanna, know, are you gonna research that or what,” said one researcher, doing a great impression of a piggish mate who always wants to know if you are finished with those chips.

“We’ll clean up the mess pro bona, and undertake some urgent scientific testing,” said one researcher today.

“We have a great facility at the Tokyo Fish Markets, which would put your CSIRO to shame.”

It’s unclear what caused the whales to beach at the Harbour, the same remote location where Australia’s worst stranding occurred two years ago, but the researchers say that’s something they want to get to the bottom of.

“Imagine if we were able to find out how to cause 250 whales to just miraculously beach themselves,” continued the researcher.

“Obviously so we could stop it happening again because that would be very bad.”

It’s unknown as of yet whether the State Government of Tasmania will permit the researchers to clean up the mess, but Sea Shepard has wasted little time in preparing for war.

“It’s on,” said a spokesperson for the organisation.

More to come.


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