A local pencil neck from Betoota Grove has experienced an exhilarating encounter with the working man this afternoon, after two stinking drunk NBN contractors punched the piss out of each other within his general vicinity.

Declan Coochie (37) says aside from pay-per-view Conor McGregor fights, he’s never actually seen a blue at the pub before.

That was until he decided to pop into the Old City District’s famous early-opener, The Tradesman’s Hog, this afternoon – for a Friday arvo throat tickler on his way home from a meeting with some bloke who has just had to put a company that hires 1000 people into liquidation.

“I knew this pub was popular with the, you know, high-vis… But I didn’t think i’d see an actual physical confrontation between two of… them”

The punch on, which is believed to be about nothing overly important, considering both drunken men involved are now profusely apologising to each other and huggin, seems to have caused Declan to experience the common physiological reaction known as ‘fight or flight’ – which is what happens when humans feel like they are in immediate danger.

As someone who was seated roughly six tables away from the scrap, Declan says he had no idea which way it was gonna go.

“I saw it start” he says, while attempting to look nonchalant but also quite visibly rattled.

“I heard a lot of C-words. I think they may have worked together. Maybe it was something that has been bubbling for a long time. I don’t know. I just don’t know”

Luckily for Declan, the fight didn’t manage to make it out of the TAB, and was broken up before he had to humiliate himself by making a dash for the door.

He says after it became clear he was in no serious danger, he took it upon himself to help resolve the situation.

“I don’t think the bar manager saw what happened, so I made sure to give him a full run down when he came back upstairs after changing a keg” he says.

“So they both have been asked to leave”

“But now they are both standing out front of the venue and signalling for me to come outside and have a chat”

“I think they want to apologise”


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