ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A group of local farmers has claimed responsibility for a French Quarter arson attack overnight that saw a popular Birkenstock shop burned to the ground.

The Farmers Liberation Front (FLF), a registered agricultural lobby group, took to social media this morning outlining why they set fire to a shop beloved by the left-inner-city-green-elite.

“This is revenge for what the vegans have done to our brothers and sisters around the country,” the statement said.

“We will not take this lying down. The farmers have awoken. You will hear us.”

News of the Birkenstock arson swept through Betoota’s fledgling vegan community like wild fire, with many rushing to the scene in the early hours of the morning to pay they respects.

One ponytail, who said he’s vegan to the point where he refuses to breathe the same air as an animal, openly wept on the corner of Rue de Branlette and Jardin du Putain as the firemen of Engine 11 hosed the smouldering ashes of the once-great boutique sandal shop.

Our reporter, who attended the scene with the FLF yesterday evening, attempted to get a comment on the fire from the distraught pony tail but untilately failed in that endevour.

Arson detectives from the French Quarter Police attended the scene this afternoon and have ruled out any foul play, blaming the aging building’s electrics.

More to come.


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