ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Warren Duncan channelled his inner Andrew Broad this afternoon as he snuck like a 00 Agent through the business-class curtain of his 12:35pm service from Brisbane to Betoota and up to their designated bourgeois lavatory.

The 32-year-old managed the impossible, he made it.

Once alone in their business-class toilet, a place he was forbidden to be as an economy-class sack of shit, he got to work.

Twenty-odd minutes past before the degenerate Capricorn returned to his seat beside our reporter, where he detailed just what he’d done.

“I pissed on everything,” he said.

“The sink, the toilet paper, the flush button, you name it. I even got piss on myself! [laughs]”

“Fuck those business-class people. It’s such bullshit that they segregate the shitters like they do. Where are we? Joh’s Queensland? No! It’s 2020. People should be allowed to empty themselves in which ever toilet they deem acceptable.”

Just as Warren began to explain why he did it, an air hostess walked down the aisle and pointed him out to an air marshal.

Upon landing, Mr Duncan was placed under arrest by local AFP officers and lead to an awaiting paddy wagon on the tarmac.

More to come.


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