ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Home Affairs minister has retaliated against China today after the superpower put trade tariffs on barley and threatened to do it to other commodities as well.

Peter Dutton told reporters this morning in Canberra that he’s no longer going to visit his local sushi train until China comes to the table.

“As much as I love the tuna rolls from Sushi Hub, I can’t in good conscience give them my business,” he said.

“So no more Sushi Hub. I might have to take my business to a local Vietnamese or Korean place. I have a hankering for spicy food, which is something you may not know about me,”

“Please include this in your articles about me so people will relate to me and think, ‘Oh jeez, having that man as my Prime Minister wouldn’t be so bad after all’ and all that jazz. Andrew, if your next question is about my teeth, please do not ask it.”

Andrew put his hand down.

“I implore all Australians to buy from Australian-owned businesses. Go and get a takeaway Dominos, or pay your respects to the Colonel by eating a half-bucket of chicken alone in your Great Wall ute. Just stay away from your sushi train!”

More to come.

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