FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT
Climate scientists are urging the medical professionals who got a word in the ear of the politicians about the spicy lung to have a stab at explaining climate change to the same crowd.
This comes after the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change found the planet is likely to warm by 1.5C by 2034, with the report stating that the situation is a ‘code red for humanity.’
“It’s time to admit we must have used the wrong approach” admitted Climatologist Paige Larsson, after the latest Climate Change-related report.
“A medical emergency appears and the government springs into action; throwing money around, making new rules, encouraging everyone to get jabbed up. And here we are with a climate emergency and the same guys are reducing solar feed-in rates, introducing new taxes for electric cars and suggesting residents of nations being swallowed by rising seawater should come here to pick fruit for us,” Larsson said.
“We’re not sure exactly what technique these medical advisors used; maybe it was a find-a-word or something Scotty and the State Premiers could colour in, but we know one thing for sure; they must have had a great PowerPoint presentation”
Medical advisor Dr Arnold Blenkinsop admits they did have some pretty good presentations.
“They were very well received” he conceded.
“I had the slides set up with the Pew Pew Pew laser noise for every letter. We put out a big bowl of Minties; they liked that. And I picked up a green laser pointer off the internet. It even had these different tips so you could make a star shape or the Bat Signal. Pretty cool stuff.”
However Prime Minister Scott Morrison says the government’s decisions are not swayed by impressive presentations.
“Look, we’re not going to base major policy decisions on whether or not there’s a bowl of lollies on the table or fancy laser pointers.”
“I can personally assure you that we act very decisively when something major occurs, especially if it looks like the fallout is going to occur before the next election like we are seeing with this cough.”
“As for climate change, we .. it’s very … you know, it might be a while before we.. here, do you want a Mintie?”